Over this weekend I was invited (albeit) last minute on to Sacred Touch De-Armouring Level 1 Workshop, what had drawn me to the work has been a threefold combination of personal feeling, professional advancement and then something else that is actually neither of them and more to do with the work I have been doing with myself since around 2013. The trouble with actually explaining this work is exactly that, I am explaining and giving the explanation more power than it really needs, it’s a bit like an author writing their autobiography, and getting caught up in the minutiae of their story and what I am attempting (a bit poorly perhaps) to do is not actually get you caught up in that (but unintentionally doing just that).
I will get to why this is important in a second, but for now let’s stay with this point, with regards to the story and for once let me take it the personal for this explanation. I realised somewhere between yesterday and today I have been a bit like a tourist trying to fit in when dealing with social situations. I use words to attempt to impress, to fill in the moments and even use them too much because there was at that time a need for me to I guess prove something or deflect something, however I think maybe it could be both. At the end of the day that is semantics and that isn’t really needed nor is it the point, the whole point is I used words as an effective (from where I was at that time) shield, it wasn’t a craving to have power from anyone but it was to prevent someone stealing that power from me… but also I was being a voyeur upon the whole experience and interaction.
However today and this morning in particular is when I realised that up until that point there had been a form of subtle toleration of my voyeur and the best way to describe it a kind of humouring of tourist ways trying to impress, trying to fit in (so to speak) and then in one sentence and in one moment that was thrown back at me, the words were reflected back and I did not like that one bit. It’s hard to see that come back at you, it feels so raw and not welcomed but at the same time it was needed and what was required.
It sent the tourist and the voyeur packing and then there was quite literally just me; well the me aspect and that had no place to hide, it was either going to revert and recoil into the tourist in which case, it was time to move the car out and go to the beach and sulk, throwing out blame to the sea and claiming that I had just lost out on money, time and blah, blah, blah… In other word excuses, with more excuses on top of hey let’s go buy some crystals or let’s go find a place that sells tarot cards and buy them; or it was time to step up and confront.
The ‘I Am’ (which is the really the only way to describe this feeling) pushed the rest, the me part into staying and forcing all the issues to the surface. To the point that my healing process my integration of ‘I AM’ means that for now I have to lose my voice, I am have to lose the power of word play until I am ready to use language and words correctly and properly. Only then will I regain the voice that the I AM is meant to have.
So you see now I am in a position where I have no ability to weave a story or use more words than is needed. Even now as I am typing this piece up I am deciding on the best choice of language, tone and word so that there is no ‘story’ there just is the account from me to you the reader of the experience of transformation the De-Armouring and in particular Sacred Touch De-Armouring actually has.
Now don’t get me wrong, my inner editor is having a field day; the inner editor is actually me but when you have a dis-association with words and how to actually use them effectively, which is really what dyslexia is and when you don’t know or rather at some point have realised it is easier not to engage with others, which is where my triggers are for the autism traits I have. (I am having a laugh at the moment because I almost fell into the author analogy from earlier there…) Anyway back to the matter at hand, the inner editor as I was saying is being content in the fact I am keeping it as simple as possible and direct as possible, which if you know me in real time, is a huge change for me.
Okay so this work that I have been doing, it is personal/professional and it began in earnest around 2013, I did a lot of esoteric work not magic – well at least not in the conventional sense – more avant-garde than that, we’re talking about Akashic work, bringing home all the aspects that have been lost, we’re also talking about authentic self or true self. Trouble is when you start that journey, you are also having to bring home all the shadow-self aspects as well and being honest they aren’t nice.
When you begin no-one, well at least no-one I have encountered thus far is either willing to discuss or even open that door (for want of a better way to give it words) well until this weekend. Take it from me in all honesty right now you have no idea how much I want to stop writing this but it is needed because it is part of my process, my dharma, catharsis or process – they are really all words that mean the exact same thing, and I am checking in with the ‘I AM’ or the ‘I’ every few moments as this unfolds, even taking a break from the page and coming back to it has worked.
To explain the shadow-self has had many names, has had many descriptions but it is still all to do with you, all the contracts you make with daemons, dark forces, elementals and aliens. The contracts you create or forge within the past life (regardless of incarnation) it all still centres and connects to you. Shamans, Wise Women, Seers, Channellers, Sensitives and so on have all encountered the shadow-self in all its forms over the generations and dealt with the baggage, sent it back into the void of all possibilities or back into the time frame it belongs, sometimes they negate it and I feel that this is what was happening with me all through the weekend.
Having been through it, the negation, the release back into the void and even a rescue release into the higher side as well through the weekend has changed me, helped me to reclaim my own power and not only embrace but actually release the need to explain what I know without the need to question or attach anything to it now, when you work with me, you are working with one of the oldest souls. However until today I would have felt as if that needed story, explanation or the tourist/voyeur approach; now I will explain it, answer any question you may have with regards to that but at the end, what you do with that answer, is your own choice. I will have moved on within 90 seconds of giving you what you need.
Right so let’s pick up something that I said about two paragraphs ago; I said that no-one that I have encountered thus far is willing to discuss or open the door to that discussion… What I mean by this is more coming from a sense, a new found sense at that. Authors (nothing against them) and Founders of systems that are bringing in ways to reclaim and release or work within the akashic records are doing good work but at the same time they are opening the way for the shadow-self stuff to come back in and without proper explanation or even guidance (again not the right word but it’s close enough) it can take up residence and create a co-habitation or co-dependency relationship and you may not even be aware.
Now this new found sense of things (rightly or wrongly) tells me that this is not new but old ways that the ancestors recognised and knew how to deal with it because the knowledge was already there, the collective or universal mind (touched on something there that wasn’t ready to be expressed but it’s dealt with) already had that knowing. This world well the part of it I inhabit has long since forgotten about the collective knowledge, yes at times it surfaces and we feel it but effectively it’s being drowned out.
Authors and Founders don’t know or if that information is there it is being edited out to make the books sellable to a mass market. Sacred De-Armouring on the other hand, isn’t about making it sellable, palatable, there are no authors, tourists or voyeurs, there is only you. The shadow-self gets love, the parts that aren’t to do with you get negated and at the end there is only you. What you go through to get to that can be, well it honestly hasn’t got words it is experienced.
De-Armouring is not for everyone, mainly because my sense tells me that not everyone has that journey to take but it is a worthwhile experience to have regardless of journey. I don’t know (at least right now) how I am meant to work with it, but that is more to do with space than to do with me being ready. However my senses tell me that given the space circumstances it may chose to manifest or evolve into toning through voice, ting-shaws or singing bowl, it might be holding sacred space and that it just the tip of the iceberg known as possibilities, what I feel and I know without doubting it is De-Armouring has a place within my work. There are three known certainties for me: I know that it will be within my massage work, I know that it will be in my Angelic Reiki Work (touched on within the Practitioners but it will be within the Masters) and I know that when I need to I will go back to do more work with it for myself as well.
It has been a true honour to have you read this journey, I just want you the reader to know that this has been apart of my dharma, catharsis or process, it is whichever word you feel resonates with you as you have read this. I do not mind answering any questions, replying to feedback in the positive or the negative. Just realise that your words are your own, they don’t have an effect on what I have shared, they will not hurt or insult me because I experienced this first hand, your are just reading what I needed express.